I want to use this post to describe the source of my passion and introduce my new course. My relentless desire to share what I’ve discovered about a ‘higher order of relatedness’ with everyone in the world ready for a profound level of love, creativity and relatedness, comes from the deepest gift I have to give. It comes from my raison d’etre.
Since the age of 18, my life has been devoted to my personal exploration and as a spiritual teacher, the discovery of how to access and live from the outermost edge of our true potential as human beings.
The edge of divine love – a ‘higher order of human relatedness’ – is a place I visited and never returned from. Two decades ago I had, what I now know was a ‘dual awakening’ with a beautiful, mystic named Peter, who died tragically soon after. Through this experience I discovered the eternal power of what can happen ‘between’ us.
That possibility is shatteringly beautiful and can change us irrevocably and completely. More than that, at this time on earth we are being collectively invited into this ‘dual awakening’. Something is ready to happen for those of us who are ready and can sense what I am speaking about.
I discovered a higher order of human relating with Peter. As two mystic lovers with an unyielding YES to each other, we were willing to die into love. We let the power of what was continually arising and descending in and through us destroy our separateness and defensiveness. We were challenged daily to become capable of more love, more beauty, more ecstasy. It was often unbearable – brutal in an exquisite way. It’s so much easier to be a little miserable, bored or frustrated in our relationships. It was heartbreakingly difficult and wonderful to be given such preciousness, knowing simultaneously that it cannot be possessed, and can be lost at any moment.
Before I met Peter, I had studied, worked on myself and taught intensively for more than 12 years. I was singularly focused and happily obsessed with work and my spiritual path. I had been well-known and respected in the est (Landmark) world and had thrown it all to the wind and followed my unquestioning passionate instincts that led me to leave my husband, sell all my worldly possessions and go to an ashram where I met Peter, a young German mystic carpenter.
At that point, the capacity to open myself up and take risks emotionally and psychically was highly developed in me as a teacher. As a woman, I was primed to encounter my twin soul with my body, heart and hormones ready and willing to say YES.
Once we were united, life began to live through us, intensely making us glow, grow and love. We were transformed in the fire of our 3 ½ years together. Without exaggeration, it was more than most people can imagine. Twenty-four hours in the life we shared, moved us with more intensity, power and spiritual growth than any other time in my life.
I remember walking across Central Park a few years after Peter died on a first date with a very handsome and accomplished opera conductor. Clearly he was interesting, intelligent and sensitive. But as the beautiful summer light illuminated the trees as we walked together, all he could do was talk “about” things. Interesting things, but it was dead, not alive, nothing real was occurring.
The moments with Peter were real, poignant and full of beauty – our love was an art form. Walking through the park with him would have propelled our love forward and become an unforgettable memory. How much of ‘normal’ relating is merely conceptual and not ‘living’ at all?
I realized later – that we spend so much of our time being supposedly intimate with our friends and loved ones, “talking about” life and what has happened – not creating that moment of connection and interplay with that person in that moment.
We were guided seamlessly to discover the conditions necessary to have this particular kind of relationship, one in which our souls touch in a way that is mutual, distinct, deeply personal and always immediate. We were turned towards each other and ignited by our ongoing experience of Eros. That evolutionary impulse was set free to move in and through us. We would laugh about feeling like millionaires in this domain of love. Something had been released and was taking us in its torrent.
When he died, I was forced to become clear about what I knew. I longed to go deep and feel what is possible with others. It’s a great gift to be given something so beautiful – so filled with grace. And it is a burden. I could never forget the reality of love or be at peace without it. It was incumbent upon me to discover how to make the space for the love and beauty to descend into this world again.
Millions of us have experienced the depth and beauty of being in retreats, groups and workshops. By the end these experiences we get a glimpse of the power and joy of being together, trusting each other, laughing, not taking ourselves so seriously, and often being inspired to give more fully and serve life beyond what our individuality would normally allow.
Then we return to our ‘normal’ lives where the conditions are different. The implicit and unspoken agreements with those we love are not always conducive to deep trust and inspiration.
Now, seems to be the time, where we are meant to find this higher order of relating together. In this new way of being we surrender to what is possible between us. We allow the evolutionary impulse to come through our connectedness in the new ‘between’ us.
Initially I didn’t know why I was left here without Peter for almost 20 years. But over the last few years it has become clear that it was to create the space for the multiple beloveds – not just the two of us – but the many. I realized that I was waiting for this time – when we are meant to come together in a precise and intentional way, to be transformed and live this ‘awakened togetherness.’
With love & appreciation,