Soon after I sent my message to you about the shock of having 4th stage metastatic cancer and the imminence of leaving this world (2 – 6 months) I met with my doctor. For the first time in eight months, I was starting to feel almost normal. My body was comfortable and I had the energy to be with people, write, practice, walk and even sleep without constant disruption.
My doctor showed me a three month graph of my liver enzymes from the start of chemo and immunization infusions to now. I had gone from over 800 to 300 (a normal liver functions at 250). He said that my response was one in a thousand, which validated my experience of feeling so much better. I still have 4th stage metastatic cancer and there’s no certainty as to how my body will continue to respond to the treatments over time, but clearly I have more life force and more time. Initially I felt a bit dizzy and disoriented by the shift, it was both shocking and miraculous, but of course I’m deeply grateful.
Experientially it’s fascinating to be moving towards death and then towards more life (even though both movements have been filled with aliveness). The liminal space in the middle has a kind of fluid, lifted quality. When my body’s discomfort and lack of life force takes over I feel like death is wearing me down, erasing the threads of identity and flow with who I’ve known myself to be and my particular life. Right now, the wheel (or gears) of life are beginning to catch me and move life forward again. And yet, it’s quite different. I’m swimming in the unknown, the newness, immersed in the shared unitive body of the Evolutionary Collective as we’ve all moved into a new phase of potentiality and power. All of it is miraculously lifting and propelling evolution forward in and through us, calling more clearly to others.
And so, the roller coaster continues.
One of the main reasons I moved back to New York was to spend the next five to ten years of my life working with Carolyne Mathlin in bringing forth that which would sustain and support the work of shared unity. Carolyne is not only the Executive Director and a senior Mutual Awakening teacher, but our relationship exists as a powerful expression of this oneness and fierce creativity. Having worked with so many people, I know how rare it is to have a relationship that is mutually empowering and life giving. She has been steadfast in manifesting whatever was necessary to allow me the freedom to bring forth what is next.
We live four blocks away from each other on the Upper West Side. We’ve spent the last few days sensing into what that is, now that I seem to have more time and energy to do just that. I’ve spent the last three years preparing the materials for a new book that expresses and transmits the current living reality of our work and what I call “The Thresholds of Unity”. It’s a unique perspective that feels important to present in book form. I’ll have more to share about that later.
There’s so much more… but most of all I wanted to make sure to take you with me on this wild ride – only this time it’s more of a SHOCKING MIRACLE!
My dear friend, Jan Petrie, came to New York on her way to India. We spent the day together when I met with the doctor. She’s a devout Catholic and filmmaker who traveled with Mother Teresa for many decades and lives inside the realm of the miraculous. Jan said to me that I was given an UNEXPECTED EPILOGUE.
Thank you all for your love and support. The web of unity and connection has woven more completely for us all.
In unity, always,